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20 Ways You Can Help
By Pauline Chin
From the Winter 2003 issue of Choices, IBCA's Newsletter
Editor’s Note: This article first appeared in the Fall 2002 newsletter
of the Women’s Cancer Resource Center in Oakland California. We liked
it so much that we sought permission to reprint it in Choices. We then learned
of Pauline’s connection to Ithaca.
Pauline Chin was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal carcinoma in 1997. A three- year
remission ensued following a six-month regimen of chemotherapy and radiation.
In 2001, Pauline was diagnosed with a lung metastasis, which was followed by
another recurrence in 2002. She faithfully continues treatments and is recovering
at home in Berkeley, California with her husband, Tracey Bornstein. Pauline
and Tracey met at Cornell in 1984 where they both studied architecture.
Pauline attributes her ability to cope to the unwavering support from her family,
her medical team, and a wide circle of friends.
Tracey and I were very touched by the responses to our recent news. The compassion
continues to lift our spirits. Many people asked how they can help. From having
gone through it once before, I would like to offer a list of things for you
to consider.
1. Send positive energy our way
2. Send an e-mail or snail-mail periodically just to say “Hi”
3. Check in to see how Tracey is doing via e-mail or voice-mail
4. Send a get well card—especially one with humor
5. Send a memory in either text or photo format about a time we’ve shared
together or that suggests a time to share in the future
6. Send a note to keep us posted about you and your family
7. Send photos of you, your children, your pets, your new car, your travels,
and even your new hairdo
8. If convenient, bring us a meal on wheels; stay and share it with us or just
drop it off
9. Say a little prayer for me
10. Send recommendations on good books, videos, films, and music
11. Send articles on architecture, art, literature, music, food, and travel
12. Send hugs via Tracey
13. Share an evening meal with Tracey on a weeknight, as he will often be alone
in Berkeley
14. Don’t ever feel at a loss for words, the kindness in your eyes says
it all
15. Don’t wait for us to tell you when to help or what to do for us, be
creative and just listen to your heart
16. Offer to run an errand or do us a favor, and please feel comfortable if
we don’t need any help at that particular time, or to say “no”
if we ask for help and you are unable to accommodate us
17. Please don’t take it personally or feel rejected if I don’t
feel like talking when you telephone or if I don’t wish to get together
(this will most likely signify a temporary state of depression, please give
me the personal space to work it out)
18. Please don’t feel ignored if I don’t return your call or e-mail:
receiving messages from you helps me feel connected to the real world
19. Please do only what you can to help; do not over burden yourself at any
time
20. Most importantly, do know that every little thing you are able to do for
us is immensely appreciated