You are here: Home > Local Resources > Cancer And Sex
Cancer and Sex
Bob Riter
bob@ibca.net
Sex, like every other aspect of life, is often disrupted by cancer.
You may be fatigued from chemotherapy or radiation therapy.
Surgery in your abdomen may have affected nerves that control sexual feeling
or function.
Your self-image may be fragile as you adjust to the loss of a breast or having
an ostomy.
You may be thrown into menopause prematurely because of chemotherapy.
As one friend with cancer asked me, “I survived. Now what?”
Cancer and sex are similar in that they aren’t always easy to discuss.
We may not ask the questions we want to ask or share what really needs to be
said.
And that’s the whole thing about cancer and sex – we need to talk
about it.
Talk with your doctors. Sexual difficulties following cancer are common. Treatments
are often available and effective. You don’t have to wait for your doctor
to ask if your sex life is OK. Just share your concerns.
Nurse practitioners can be a great resource for addressing sexual issues because
they tend to take more time with patients and focus on the whole person rather
than specifically on the disease.
Talk with your partner. You’re both probably readjusting to the new you.
Sharing your mutual expectations, fears, desires and physical limitations can
be bonding and loving. Remember that sex involves much more than intercourse,
and intimacy involves much more than sex. Navigate this territory together.
Therapists can be invaluable for helping you work through difficult issues relating
to sexuality and other challenges. The more you can talk and share your feelings,
the better it will be for both you and your partner.
If talking face to face with someone is difficult, an online cancer survivor
community may be helpful. The Association of Cancer Online Resources (www.acor.org)
is a clearinghouse for online groups that are categorized by type of cancer
and by topic of interest. One discussion list deals specifically with sexuality
after a cancer diagnosis.
Beginning a new relationship after having had cancer can be daunting, but one
good thing about cancer is that it makes us take stock and focus on what’s
most important in our lives. People who have had cancer – and there are
lots of us – tend to have few pretensions. We know our bodies aren’t
perfect and that it’s important to live each day as fully as possible.
Knowing when to talk about your cancer with a new romantic interest
is important. You generally want to develop some level of trust first. But you
shouldn’t wait too long either. It can be the elephant in the room (or,
more accurately, the elephant in your head) and it can be a relief to get it
out of the way.
Resources: I like two online publications from the Mayo Clinic on possible side
effects of cancer treatment. One for men (www.mayoclinic.com/health/cancer-treatment/SA00070)
and one for women (www.mayoclinic.com/health/cancer-treatment/SA00071).
The United Ostomy Associations of America publishes an excellent booklet, “Intimacy,
Sexuality and Ostomy” which is available by calling 800-826-0826 or online
at www.uoaa.org/ostomy_info/.
From the Ithaca Journal, July 26, 2007
To see more articles, click here.