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Helping, Even from a Distance
Bob Riter
bob@ibca.net
I received a call this week from a woman who wanted to know how to help her
cousin in California who is being treated for cancer.
Nearly all of us could ask a similar question at some point in time. We want
to help distant friends and family members with cancer, but we can’t just
pop over with a bowl of soup if they live across the country.
Here are some suggestions:
• Educate yourself about their cancer. Lung cancer is very different than
breast cancer. Acquiring a basic knowledge will help you understand what they’re
going through and facilitate communication.
• Call, even if it feels awkward at first. It’s OK to say simply,
“I’m sorry you have cancer.” People don’t usually remember
what you said, but they’ll remember that you called. And don’t worry
about waking someone up or disturbing them. They have an answering machine.
• Send notes of support. More than one. Let them know that you’re
sending positive thoughts. As one friend with cancer told me, “Prayers,
good vibes, thinking of me, - I’ll take it in any form.”
• Don’t be discouraged if you don’t receive a response. People
in the middle of treatment often need to conserve their energy. I’ve known
people to respond seemingly out of the blue years later to say how much those
cards meant.
• Small gifts, unrelated to illness, are always welcome.
• Reach out to the primary care giver. They may need an outlet. Or simply
a recognition of their difficult role.
• I’ve had friends take part in cancer walks and other fundraisers
in my honor and then send me the honor heart they wore with my name inscribed.
I thought that was way cool.
More than anything, the person with cancer will appreciate the sense of staying
connected with you and staying connected with his or her “normal”
life. Cancer tends to throw everything into upheaval. Distant friends and family
can help people with cancer maintain their sense of who they were before cancer
and, hopefully, the life to which they will return when treatment ends.
From the Ithaca Journal, February 21, 2008
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