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Helping those we don't like
Bob Riter
bob@ibca.net
In my columns, I often suggest practical ways to help people with cancer. It’s
easier helping some people than others. Giving support to nice people is relatively
easy. Giving support to people who are cranky or downright mean is a challenge.
Whether one likes them or not, these people need help, too.
In my experience, unpleasant people with cancer were unpleasant people before
they had cancer. And nothing about cancer is going to make them any happier.
The first unpleasant person who comes to your mind might be a member of your
family. Perhaps it’s a parent or a sibling. Or it could be a neighbor,
member of your faith community, or coworker.
If this unpleasant person gets cancer, you may want to help or perhaps
you feel some obligation to do so. This sense of obligation might be heightened
if you sense the person is socially isolated which, not surprisingly, tends
to happen to unpleasant people.
So, what to do?
My suggestion is to reach out to them by calling, visiting, and offering to
take them to appointments. But don’t expect them to smile, be gracious,
or appreciate your assistance.
We’re taught by Hollywood that cranky people have a heart of gold and
a twinkle on their lips. I’ve known a few people like that, but I’ve
also known some unpleasant people that seem to have no heart at all and the
word twinkle will never, ever apply to them.
A friend of mine, referring to her sister, put it to me this way, “I don’t
like her, but I’m here for her.”
There’s a lot of wisdom and love in that statement. Sometimes we help
simply because it’s the right thing to do.
From the Ithaca Journal, March 20, 2008
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